Ahh, I’m back at it again with a mental health post. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been struggling with my mental health recently and I thought I’d talk about it. Everybody goes through rough patches with their mental health and it sucks, it really sucks. As someone who suffers with anxiety and emetophobia, I never really get a day off.
I was talking to one of my good friends about this (she’s also an emetophobic/anxiety sufferer) and she agreed with me that a ‘day off’, isn’t really a thing. Don’t get me wrong, I do have days where I don’t feel riddled with anxiety and I feel as though I could take over the world, but they are few and far between. The thing is, for me, most days are just meh. I can get up, get ready for the day, do bits and pieces but I have this anxious feeling at the back of my mind. So in that sense, I don’t really get a day off because my mind is constantly going at 100mph.
I find it very difficult to put my thoughts into words regarding this subject, because its so incredibly complex. Over the past month I haven’t been very well physically which has really knocked me back. Because of my emet and health anxiety, I found it so hard to complete daily tasks over that period of time, because not only was I exhausted physically, mentally I was as well. So over this past month I have gone through such a rough patch mental health wise, as usually I can keep going with life, despite not getting a day off from my nagging brain, I can do it. I just feel a bit defeated at the moment, like I’ve taken 2 steps back. I feel physically tired and just not myself, its almost like I’m having an outer body experience sometimes. I have managed to keep going a fair few days I guess, for example, going away to Cardiff and Bristol last weekend and travelling to London twice the week before that (which I’m proud of). Just generally I feel a bit lost and out of touch.
I saw a tweet recently that explained how mental illness is so unpredictable and how it can take over so quickly. Its true, it can come over you so quickly and you don’t have any idea how long its going to last, which can be so daunting. I have this yearning to just feel better, but I know thats not always how it works and I just have to sit tight and let it pass. Maybe its because I’ve fallen out of a routine, theres been a few changes in my life here and there, who knows. Maybe once I get back to uni and get more used to my new job it’ll start to pick up again? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Anyway, I should probably wrap up this little ramble of a blog post and just remind myself that bad mental health periods are a thing and they don’t last forever.