I think many people that suffer with anxiety, would tell you that they consider themselves a perfectionist. I’d certainly consider myself to be one. Maybe thats due to my Virgo tendencies or maybe its just the way my brain functions, who knows. The reason I’m sat writing this post, is because I just got some results back for an essay I wrote at uni and I was disappointed.
I mean, I got a C grade which is still a pass and certainly isn’t the end of the world BUT, for a perfectionist like myself, I feel like this isn’t good enough. I thought I worked pretty hard on it, hence the disappointment. However, this isn’t really the point I’m here to make. Dealing with an anxiety disorder, can mean that work has to be put on hold a lot. Whether this be because you’re exhausted due to a panic attack, having a depressive episode or generally feel too overwhelmed. There are a whole host of factors that make it difficult to get on with work.
So as you can imagine, being a perfectionist who struggles to get work done leaves you in quite the quandary. Mostly because more than anything, I just want to do well. And when anxiety strikes, it knocks me back and means I either can’t get on with work or I’ll do a much poorer job, as I’m also focusing on my anxiety. There is nothing worse than wanting to work, but not being physically and mentally able to. It makes me feel like a failure, because I can’t do such a simple task of writing an essay for example.
Sometimes, I won’t even be having what I call an ‘anxious day’ but due to the perfectionist tendencies, I won’t want to write/work on anything because I’m scared of failure. Which is pretty stupid, because if I don’t do any work then I’m really not gonna do well am I? But in my head, I feel as though if I put it off, I might be able to gather my thoughts and maybe do better the next day. I don’t know if this makes any sense, please reassure me that it does haha. I think the issue is, that I just want everything to be perfect the first time around and I know this isn’t the way life works. It can be hard, and I’m trying to get better at just going for it and trying not to worry too much about how ‘perfect’ a piece of work is.
I hope this ramble made some sort of sense and perhaps some of you can relate. Please let me know if you do and what you do to combat your perfectionism!