Taking a step back and evaluating where I am with things is something I should definitely do more often. I’m sure most of us could do with putting this into practice more often, lets be honest. Especially as I suffer with anxiety, I think its even more important to stop, take a look around me and just breathe for a second.
I had a bad few months at the end of 2018 in regards to my anxiety and it pretty much left me housebound. Over the past couple of months I have started to feel myself again, but at the same time, I feel like I wasted 3 months or so due to my poor mental state. So once things started to pick up, I sort of launched myself into anything and everything.
“you can do anything but not everything”
I didn’t want to waste anymore time. I was seeing other people doing amazing things, getting on with life and I felt a bit lost. I wanted to be doing cool things and bossing life. I should have cut myself a bit of slack really, as I was (and still am) at university, completing assignments, despite struggling mentally. But clearly, my perfectionist brain couldn’t see that and wanted to be doing more.
One of my modules at uni required me to research into work placements, which I could then potentially intern at over the summer. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to find something I could throw myself into and gain some real experience.
So there I was, applying to loads of different placements, most of which were up in London. I didn’t really think much of it, London isn’t too far from me, how hard could it be? Until I actually heard back from somewhere. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t travel up to London multiple times a week on my own. I wasn’t ready for that. It all felt extremely overwhelming.
I guess this is what forced me to take a step back. Just because I feel better (most days), doesn’t mean I necessarily am better. Anxiety doesn’t just disappear over night. I was pushing myself to do things I wasn’t ready for, despite thinking otherwise. This is why its so important to step back every once in a while and check in with your mental health. I’m all for pushing yourself to achieve goals, but there is definitely such thing as over doing it. This is certainly something I’ve learnt over the past few weeks and instead of throwing myself into things, small steps is now the way forward.
“keep taking time for yourself until you’re you again”